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mendey_ljm

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[20 May 2005|10:26pm]
i'm typing this on my sweet new lap top. ok, who am i kidding it't not
just mine, but partialy, which is still pretty neat. anyways....
softball is almost over, thank god. that shit overtakes my life, why do
i love it again.....can't remember.
recently i've enjoyed being alone more than with other people. i don't
know why, i guess i just don't click with anyone like i used to, but
i'm getting used to being by myself. i don't have to worry about what i
look like or what i say ( which i shouldn't have to anyways but truth be told, no
one is perfect, which means no one doesn't care about stuff like that all
the time, including myself more often then i would like)i can just do what
ever i feel like doing.....like now, it's a friday night, and i'm not doing
anything and i am perfectly happy with that.
oooohh yay, i forgot, i went crazy a couple of days ago and decided to dye my
hair. and guess what? IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND I HATE IT! but i guess that's
what i get for trying something really different. aw well, i'm getting it fixed
soon, probably not by the time school gets out though. i'm not doing blonde highlights
again, probably just all over brown. kind of a honey, light brown. no highlights or
blonde. speakin of hair, beth's hair is so hot, with the brownish red and blonde.
ok, bored now. ciao
:: cut me ::

[30 Apr 2005|10:06pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

so it's been like .... months, i dunno how long since i've even looked at my live journal, oh that's right, probably cuz there is no point in it except to vent, and lately i've found new ways.

I BROKE UP WITH HIM. that's right, i got the guts to do it. i felt so trapped, like i couldn't get out if i wanted too, and i couldn't. i was trapped, i didn't just feel that way. and now that i think about it, i'm not completely out. i'm so used to being with him and i have no friends so i go back to him. and he won't let me go. i dont' want to hurt him. i guess i gotta keep trying, but i dont' think any other guy would want me.... oh i don't know, maybe i just dont' know how to be alone...but i am now, so i better get used to it! despite what this sounds like, i am glad it's over.

i got an ipod. its so nice. all my music in the palm of my hand.

yeah, i was supposed to hang out with gretchen tonight but she called me around 6 30 and told me that she promised to hang out with david, so she'd call me after. she finally called around 9 30ish, hum, i know how important i am in anyones life. freakin sweet. whatever i didn't answer. i'm not going to hang out with someone who doesn't give a shit (oh that's right, no one) aw well, i feel fat hanging out with her and kayla, and all those other fuckin little girls anyways. ugh.

on a good note, i pitched good today, pitched a shut out against the number one team in the east (billings west) and and we won the game earlier that day too. i hate my coach though, he is such an ass sometimes. maybe next year i'll play tennis, because as sad as this sounds (because it usually comes off to people that softball is my life) i'm not having fun. i'm not having fun with anything. nothing is important to me anymore. no friends, no love, grades slipping, sports sucking, not skinny, what is there....notta.







FUCK OFF ALL YOU SHALLOW BITHCHES WHO THINK THEY'RE DIFFERENT, BUT YOU'RE THE SAME AS THE PEOPLE YOU HATE. DON'T BE THE ENEMY OF WHO YOU USED TO BE. HYPOCRITS (spelled that wrong)

2 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

17 and still here.... [23 Feb 2005|05:11pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

it was my birthday this weekend. yay. i made it another year. suprising. well i went out to dinner with my family to jakers and had the great baked potato soup. then i went to ice cream and cold stone which was delicious. what really would have made my day was if i saw mary sing one of the stupid songs the workers there sing. someone told me that they only sing when you tip them...so next time....*laughs maliciously* then beth and stevie and kayla went home : ( makes me sad, i really only wanted to hang out with her this weekend , but i understand. then me and gretchen went to davids. bad idea. i dunno it was ok, we had wine, GROSS! then the whole gretchen thing, i mean, i know you were drunk babe, but really!! what the hell was she going to do with him????

enough about that....we're doing basket tosses at cheerleading. yay, our whole squad is pretty small and the same size so its hard to get really high ones, but we will get them. and our flyers need to learn to ride. but, im still soooo excited!

i hate people who think its ok to hate something because they don't do it, its kinda stuck up and bitchy. so because you dont' like it, its gay. right. oh and i hate it when people are bitches to people who are perfectly nice to them all day long day in and day out. lets be a bitch. oh, the world sometimes, i know i do things wrong sometimes...but i try not to be bitchy TO people. ok, well i have softball practice.

:: cut me ::

[15 Feb 2005|10:28pm]
[ mood | tired ]

well, i guess i'll go over what happened to me this weekend. let me tell ya, its probably the most eventfull weekend i've had in a long long time.

oh right, i didn't do anything this weekend, or last weekend or the one before that. its pretty sweet. way more fun than being aroudn peole that like you, like to be around you, hang out, ya know, all that stuff. pretty much what i'm getting at is that lack of friendships in my life are making everyday harder and harder. today, i swear, i almost started crying. at school. i guess i do cry easily. but seriously. who does that. god, im retarded.
i'm not sure what i do to drive all my friends away from me. i think i like entertain myself in defferent ways, or have a weird sense of humor or something, im not really sure, if i knew maybe i coudl fix it. if anyone is reading this will you please tell me what the fuck i do wrong. please. and if you say its b/c im always with my boyfriend thats bullshit. because every weekend, and i mean every weekend, i call someone else to try and hang out with at least one night. but it "never works out" slash everyone hates me becuase i'm annoying. i think from now on i'm jsut not going to talk . and if i do it will be absolutley nothing negative because i dont' want people to think im a bitch on top of being annoying.
i'm really not trying to get pity, even though it sounds like it. i try and tell myself things will get better after high school. but...i dunno, its a long time from now..... well, i think im goign to go to bed. all i want is a friend. just one, real, friend. *sigh* i think i'll just go listen to my beautiful new cds. or maybe i'll do my math, or i might jsut go to sleep so i can forget about everything, completely everything.

4 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

[04 Feb 2005|03:50pm]
[ mood | blah ]

My birthday is in exactly 16 days, or 2 weeks adn 2 days, away and i will officially be 17, one year closer to getting the hell out of hell, and i'll probably get money or something cool from my parents. yay! I love presents, but who doesn't. anyways...well there hasn't really been much going on in my ilfe. i either sit at home by myself or with my boyfriend. no fun. i call people at least one night of the weekend, but it never seems to work out.

oh, last night was a fun game, we just screwed around, it got a little boring and we lost ( wow, whats new) but it was still kinda fun its own way. yay, i'm definetly not trying out next year. i know i'll miss some of the things, but for the most part i can't stand it anymore than i have to. and now i'm seriously doubting that the boys will make it to state. girls better. but they're no fun to cheer for. ugh! faggot basketball teams.

i get my haircut tomorrow!! yay, im going short and way lighter!! so so so excited. i hate my natural hair color. it used to be this really pretty shiny chocolate brown when i was young, and then the color just went to shit around middle school. well, anyways, short hair tomorrow.

oh , im getting my chemical romance and the phantom of the opera soundtrack. omg!! i can't wait for that! well, im going to take a quick nap and then get ready for my game.

:: cut me ::

[21 Jan 2005|04:22pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

AWWWW, so much stress is gone. Finals week has never been so stress ful, and now i feel lost b/c i have nothing to do, except hate everyone. yup, thats what i'll do.

1 :: scar:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

[06 Jan 2005|03:35pm]
[ mood | okay ]

TYM QUIT, FUCK YEAH!!! LIFE IS BETTER!


















i miss you beth! call me!!!

:: cut me ::

Fuck this Shit! [03 Jan 2005|05:32pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

life has been semi-eventful since i lasted updated. the big news : i broke up w/ ricky. not sure how i feel about that. of course im sad. and i know people don't like him, but i knew him different and he can be really sweet. it needed to happen though. i think something im really sad about is that i dont' think any one else would like me or care about me like he did. but, i need to learn that i don't always need a boy in my life. well, im done thinking about this. too much to handle. but...what am i going to do ...im so confused right now, i don't want to go back out with him i think but i miss him. i don't know. ok, now im done

2 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

i'm computer retarded [15 Dec 2004|05:17pm]
[ mood | intimidated ]

fuck, beth!!! i don't know where to get pictures for my icon, all the ones that i find that i like are too big, or something is wrong with them! will you help me???? please??

:: cut me ::

Goats....??? [15 Dec 2004|04:58pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

ok, i just discovered that the goat on the homepage of live journal has a livejournal. he actually writes entries and random people respond, how fucking nuts is that?????

anyways, i went to lunch with beth today to BOB.yay! it was delish. except i saw katie oliver taking libby stiegers to lunch, which would be ok except for two reasons, 1. libby is an 8th grader and doesn't need to hang out with skanky ass sophomores who dont' have friends. 2. Katie is a slut and is going to get little libby into stuff she shouldn't be experiencing yet. get some friends you fucking faggot, i love libby and im her friend but i don't hang out w/ her on the weekend because i have friends my age. well, now that i got that out.

we have a cheerleading xmas party thingy....should be interesting. i got kiersten a really cute scarf but she won't even be there. poo. i wonder who has me???? its not that tricky little beth this year i'm pretty sure anyways. god, that was priceless. anyways. i should go get ready to go. and i ahve nothing to write about, boring day.

:: cut me ::

[13 Dec 2004|08:52pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Well, fireside was this weekend...i guess that was ok, the only reason i really went was to get pictures and see how pretty everyone else looked. afterward me and ricky broke up. well , the break up itself took place over the course of saturday night to sunday morning. not the funnest thing in the world. but....it may be a good thing. im so torn in half on this, i miss my friends and i want to experience other people, but ricky means so much to me. i just don't know. He had the fucking nerve to ask me to a movie though after we broke up, what a faggot. i went but it sucked, good thing it was dark cuz i cried like three times. and jessica beil was in the movie, so that made it three times as worse. anyways, we're just " friends" now. i don't know how to act around him, i didn't go to school the first half the day or 5th period cuz i didn't want to deal with him. but i gotta go tomorrow. suck. anyways, im sure that if anyone reads this they are sick of hearing about that. so....

i feel so bad for dylan. he got so screwed in this situation, because kayla is a fucking lying drama queen. i talked to cyndi steigers tonight because she is my sponser for confirmation ( how gay am i, haha) but pretty much dylan is getting screwed and kayla get nothing. dylans side of the story is that she went to hit him and he put his hands up, he didn't intentionally hit her though. then she was crying about and then supposedly rubbing her eye making look worse. AND officer hack is pressing charges against dylan. so.....basically dylan gets screwed becuase the only people that saw the thing were kayla's fucking friends. so they need to find someone who will tell what really happened who saw it. but that hasn't happened. poor dylan. i hope things work out for him. i'm not really friends with him anymore, but i used to be. so i hope it all works out.

anyways, i'm bored, i can't type anymore because i have a whole report to do that is due tomorrow. boo you whore ( mr. fisher )

:: cut me ::

[04 Dec 2004|08:20pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I FUCKING HATE ABSOLUTLEY EVERYTHING.
that pretty much sums it all up.

:: cut me ::

procrastination....B-E-A utiful [29 Nov 2004|05:36pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

oh, what should i be doing right now....homework. thats right, im not doing my homework AH ha ha ha ha! i have to make a fucking car out of a mousetrap....what the crap who does that?ass hole physics. then math galore ( as usual) and reading from the good ole' american classic Fuckleberry Hinn. haha. fuckleberry...good word. anyways, on the good and last bit about school, raised me C to B, ya lindsey.

anyways....so cheerleading was freakin gay as shit. why shannon??? who gives a shit about jv. honestly. well i have confirmation class tonight, so i should shove off. actually im just bored.

:: cut me ::

pineapple is yummy [23 Nov 2004|03:40pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

oh, its been a while has it not? well, not a whole lot has gone on in my boring ass life. school is fuckin gay as usual, except i went to bagels today with beth and kayla schu. p.s. stacy doesn't need to be eating at place that serves all carbs....think about it. i don't know what im doin tonight, i have pitching practice tonight, whoopie...ya, and thats pretty late so i dunno if i'll even do anything tonight. and my beautiful new cell phone is still broke kinda.

well that little thing i dread every winter is coming up....Fireside. i don't have a dress yet, but i hate shopping for one and trying them on just depresses me. i want a gold one that is tighter up top and puffier, but not prom puffy at the bottom. i dunno though i'll take antything that will look ok on me. which isn't much. but, the decorating part of it is going to be awesome, especially the foiee (haha, mystery on how ot spell that one so i used beths way) its going ot be totally cute.

but, i think im done for now, im watching step by step, she is the prettiest mom. oh, and one tree hill is on tonight, chad is so hot. oh speakin of hot. luke..... conner.....i should have gone to hellgate just so i could stare at them every day.

4 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

[27 Oct 2004|08:16pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

i'm so bored. of everything. every day is the same thing, wake up, shower, try on clothes for half hour cuz i am fat and look like shit in everything i have to wear, try to do my hair and make up semi cute, but it never turns out that way it always looks like shit no matter what i do, go to school, go through all my classes which seem to get harder and harder every day which make me feel stupider adn stupider every day, go to lunch, hate myself for eating, go through the rest of the day, cheerleading practice, once again the feeling of being overweight over comes me, then i go home, and do nothing because me life is a joke and meaningless. then i go to sleep, and it starts all over again, i don't talk to ppl on the phone, i dont' go anywhere, i don't socialize, this is a joke. well anyways...

rickys been gone since last thursday, hunting elk, he called me sat. , and haven't talked to him since today for 10 minutes. so i sit even more by myself at home. at least he seems to care about me, unlike anyone else.

everything is so fake, i can't wait to get our of high school and i don't have to be around....people. and shit. so , fuck high school and fuck all you people that are stuck on your selves and stupid little shcool drama life shit. i'm going to go look at the lunar eclipse now. its supposed to be pretty. something good.

4 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

PSAT Pre-sober_adult_torment...i dunno, just torment [12 Oct 2004|04:32pm]
[ mood | worried ]

AUGH!!! i have to take the psat's tomorrow, b/c my father is forcing me too. i didn't really argue, he handed me the check and said this is for the psat . the day i have to pay to take a test is hte day my life is a joke. since i already paid for the test all i have to do is take and tomorrow my life will officially be a joke. i hate school so much. i used to say i hate it cuz of the work. but now, its more than the learning and school part. so mant people just suck ( to put it nicely, very nicely) and high school is so damn dumb. there are a few people who i really enjoy being around and others when they take i just want to say, " you're fucking dumg, grow up, get your head out of your ass and stay away from me until you do!"

anyways, im watching this crazy show, its called veronica mars. her dad is a investigator. and she got shunned at her high school b/c her dad fucked up on her best friends murder case ( her best friend happened to be her boyfriends sister ) but anyways, shes a loner who solves mystery. cool huh? NOT!!! its shows exactly how gay high school is and how much better the "loners" are in a more extreme manner.

anyways im done, my mom just walked in and showed me my mid term. i don't know how, but i got a 69 in spanish???? what???? anyways, bubye

:: cut me ::

SSTTTYYXXX!!!! [19 Sep 2004|01:00pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Omg!! i went to the styx concert last night....it was absolutly amazing. Middle age men, in tight pants and long hair make themselves hot just by playing the guitar teh way they do. it was so great. we were surrounded by old ppl but it was still really fun. When the played come sail away, Lady and especially renegade, i almost died. oh, im in love.

well, i went to billings this weeekend, went to sentinel game. wow we suck. but the good news is is that the west cheerleaders suck too. they did swans. adn they dance sluttly and they just suck. that made me happy. i got sick in billings though and now i have a shitty ass cold.

well i really don't have much else to talk about. should probably start on my homework. bubye

3 :: scars:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

I'm LyInG tO mYsElF aNd ThIs DaGgEr'S mY eXcUsE [30 Aug 2004|11:21am]
[ mood | calm ]

IM DYING W/OUT BETH HERE! shes been gone for like 2 days....i dunno i lost track. i tried to call , but no, her phone isn't on or something, ( no service probably) and i can't leave a message. anyways, i want her back. right now.

im excited for hte first day of school. b/c im going w/ beth, and then we're going to lunch. how fun is that???? way fun!! she better get her ass home or she'll miss that day. anyways....

i went school clothes shopping...got 2 pairs of jeans....i got big stars like beths ( i told my mom that i could wear hers, then i tried them on and i realized that i would want a pair of my own to wear when ever i want b/c they are so cute. and comfortable. ) and then really cute tilt jeans. then i got that brown and pink dc hoodie...i might trade it for a smaller size though, the medium is too baggy i think. or i might get the blue and brown roxy one. not sure. then i got a really cute green skirt from american eagle, a pink shirt to go w/ it, and white sweatpants. then i got that one shirt from the rave, the one that leah braun had last year that i wanted. haha, i think its cute anyway. and it was only ten bucks. and some new kswiss shoes, might trade those in for a different pair. and when i get my pay check im buying really cute black and blue vans. its cute. and my mom is going to order that abercrombie sweatshirt i want. thats the only thing from that store i wanted, maybe a pair of jeans, but they are really expensive. and i get a really cute messenger bag from zumiez, its black w/ a little roxy thing in the corner. got to order that on off the internet too. well, im sure i've bored you enough w/ my clothes.

i went to pudges house last night w/ alex, amanda, and micah. it was fun. we just watched taking lives ( really scary ) and me and pudge are sissys at scary movies. we were the only two who jumped, and i screamed at one point. amanda and alex laugh at the scary parts. they are phsyco. and micah was just lookin at angelina jolies chest. what a horn dog. lol. i dont' like seeing other girls boobs. how does taht dome into play in a scary movie....murder, serial killers, blood, and oh yeah, sex. weird. ok, im bored now.

beth, if you read this before you call me, call me, if you read this after, call me again just for shits and giggles.

1 :: scar:: \/\/\/\/ :: cut me ::

AWWW...i don't know what to do! [27 Aug 2004|10:48am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

i'm so excited about my new layout!! i can't get over it, i dont' knwo what to do...Beth is the best person in the world ( just in case you all forgot, b/c i knew that before ) its so amazing. love.

so cheer practice was a joke today. we danced a little, cheered alitte. ashley didn't really mess up soo much, so hopefully she'll do ok tonight...i think she will get really nervous adn forget things. but, as long as the rest of us look good, its ok. we can't find any of those white things for allyssa, we looked in teh locker room and me and kels also organized a little bit.

i saw w/out a paddle last night. omg, so funny. not quite as good as i thougt it would be , but still good. you know how some movies show previews of the funniest parts of the movie, but you dont' know that, and then you go to the movie and except funny joke, or good punchline one after another, but no, only the parts you saw on the commercial were really funny, and you already know whta happens, i hate that.

you know what is funny though...jamaican elephants rapping about peanut butter. im going to end on that.

p.s. i just bought the new used song take it away on itunes and it is downloading at this very moment. o joyous day.

:: cut me ::

September 28th [24 Aug 2004|01:53pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

BY THE WAY, THE USED NEW ALBUM, IN LOVE AND DEATH, COMES OUT SEPTEMBER 28TH. GO TO www.theused.net just do it.

:: cut me ::

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